Would you guys be mad if the dad says I do not want the babys mom around my baby? Im glad that didnt happened. Rather, a parent who is not the primary caregiver and would otherwise wish for an overnight visitation should request more daytime visitation. It isn't fair to expect you travel up to his parents every time, and I would say your baby is def too young to be away from you overnight. Seems to be doing it just to show my daughter he can. She isnt very active as well. Granny apparently wants to start looking after the baby overnight, but the new mum is not keen to part with her little one just yet. Now that I dont see him as often, he never wants to fall asleep when hes with me; even if its all day. This is just my opinion, but it sounds like you have given him reasonable options, and he doesn't want to take you up on any of them. He comes and gets him on Friday at 3 PM, after driving 10 hours, he turns around and drives 10 hrs back to his home. 20052023 BabyCenter, LLC, a Ziff Davis company. I spoke to someone there about a different matter a few weeks ago and they were really helpful. His time spent with her has to be very little. When do you think is a suitable age for him to take her overnight? Really at a loss he seems to really disagree with me. It made the visits uncomfortable and after almost six months of this I petitioned for visitation rights and a step up plan. "I dont want him never to stay with family, just maybe when he is sitting up, fully weaned, sleeping better, etc.," she explained. Do I have to let him have her overnight? I would tell him to come and stay at your house for the weekend if he wants to be near her. I THink shes too young to beaway from me, i have no problem with him taking her out for the day i will happily go to my mums for the day [which is about half hour form his]. Solo Parenting: Divorced & Single Parents, Principle of Providing Consistent and Loving Care. I try and compromise he just wont have it! Baby's right to its mother's breasts over rides dad's need to have the baby over night. With work the next day, many dads have tasks that are more difficult to manage when sleep-deprived. I Lived in st helens when i met him, he works 5 mins down the road and lives half hour/40 mins away - I Had a flat there and would have stayed there if he hadnt been the one telling me he didnt want anything to do with the baby. Home Newborn Why Dads Should Wake Up for Night Feeds. She was with me everyday, every night. I got a new attorney who said we can challenge this. I was so happy having my son be the first thing I saw when I woke up every morning, and she refuses to let him sleep at my house overnight, her excuse being that he needs to nurse at night (hes over 14 months now). I understand he wants to see her but he can't expect to have her overnight just yet. Hi sorry am gatecrashing from PAM but I started going out with my DH when his daughter was 3 months old (they'd separated 6 months before). My daughter has tried talking to him, but since the court has given him free rein it is of no use. How to Start Night Weaning and End Middle-of-the-Night Feedings, How to Survive the First Few Weeks with a Newborn and Toddler, What to Do When Your Baby Wants to Breastfeed Constantly, How to Get Your Baby to Adjust Using a Newborn Schedule, get One Mistake Youre Making with Your Babys Awake Time. Have an unbiased, non family member witness the child exchange to see what you see. No stable home, bed ,or clothes. She thinks the best way to remedy the issue is have our son go back to China with her mother, and stay there for two months while we figure out how to afford the 3-4k per month for quality childcare. I Dont really know what to do tbh im sick oftrying to make him happy now, i do everything he asks and he ignores me still. Feeling tired and resentful because your husband doesnt help with the baby at night? And with the tips you learned on how to get both of you on board for nighttime feeds, youll soon feel like youre part of a team. Help! Just asking the question. Yeah i have been to his place, its lovely. I do not know this woman and certainly do not trust her with my daughter as I believe she even left her own teenage son to move in with my husband so what sort of mother does that make her? That is exactly what i said pamela - i explained that i am not for one minute saying i think hes not capable of looking after her - i wouldnt let anyone even if theyed raised a hundred babies perfectly without a single mistake i would not let them take my baby overnight! He was the one whod get out of bed when the baby cried and handle diaper changes. While that may be true in cases where the father isnt involved in the childs life, or would rather go out and chase skirts, the opposite is true for me. Some factors may negatively affect whether your child can handle overnight visits with the father, though, such as: Breastfeeding exclusively; High infant anxiety; Male gender Previously low level of paternal involvement Dont make the same mistakes I didhelp him fall asleep with this one simple trick! The schedule was working well to reintroduce my parenting into our daughters life. In years past, the courts never took children away from their mothers until three or four years old. She has had to go with her father for visits 2 and 3 times each week since she was 8 months old. Even now, as more information becomes available, parents are still challenged by a courts system that focuses more on what the parents want in terms of equitable division of assets rather than on the rights of the child. I can't imagine how tough it must be for you. Im the Grandmother who has been primary caregiver for 7 yrs although the Mother has been there threwout the 7 yrs her son has dependent on me. The reasons behind this are that his dad and his new pregnant girlfriend argue all the time, she says that she doesn't want "that brat" anywhere near her baby when its born, and his dad threatens that if he doesn't behave he will . My daughter is not disrupted if I get up in the middle of the night, or get up early to make breakfast for her. The step up plan was granted and I began having three six hour visits per week with our daughter and every other weekend visits from on Saturdays from 9-5. Where a father will not play any part in a child's life or has 'disappeared'. "If it doesn't feel right to you don't let it happen yet, There is no right or wrong about this. If you take him and can make a good arguement you might be able to delay it. Consult your healthcare provider for your individual health and medical needs and attorney for legal advice. He would get angry with her in the middle of the night and yell, for waking him up. Please consider a moral life based on Gods beautiful laws meant to protect us. Mal is sleeping over at Evie's place one night when she ends up sleepwalking and sleep-eating. i don't want my ex to have overnight stays and i really want for him to give up he coldnt look after a fles and is no father at all. I finally give up and tell her we have no choice, a judge said she has to do it. But the judge is taking that hes in the military and cant be here for her. My Daughter is 4 and she is very proud of herself that she is able to sleep in her own bed at My house. No one listening to me that my son will not handle overnights, How sad. He ignores all comments and then tells the judge that our family is all very hostile towards him, etc. Even though he cancelled our wedding and me moving down there where he lives. AAIMHI recommendations include: Seeing a therapist? What Makes Emotional Trauma? This approach, where fathers, as well as mothers become attuned to the child's needs and wants, is the best investment to insure positive and loving relationships with both parents. But the most heartbreaking times were at night when he was a little older and he would constantly wake up and put out his little hand in the middle of the night to touch my chest in the dark to make sure I was still there. I think better stability would make her happier, but Mom is insisting that her anxiety and apparent stress is my fault. Am I being unreasonable? He doesnt have them any other time.. What should I do. Meanwhile, moms are home with the new baby, with no time-specific duties or even people to interact with (we wouldnt even need to get dressed). Fathers more often are better care givers then mom, my son refused his mom to change his diapers, I did. I have primary custody and made it very clear that I believe that a child needs both mother and father in their life. Read why dads are co-parents, not babysitters. During the last year he has seen her every week on a couple of weeknights and most of every other Sunday. Please call us on 0333 344 6302 or contact us through our enquiry form. Just in three days I saw such a change in her psychologically. And Michigan courts find nothing wrong with this picture! Teach the non-primary caregiver how to put the child down for a daytime nap to ease into the bedtime routine. Personally I wouldn't be letting him have her overnight yet. The father doesnt care about what he is doing to her. He told me he'd lost his job and moved to stoke, Then when i got sick of being on my own and moved back to nottingham because i felt i had no one there - i wanted my friends i needed some kindof support emotionally, he told me he'd moved to scotland [his parents have a house there too]. Big hugs mumma, Don't worry he won't get this as she a new born and needs her mum xx even if u wasn't to Breast feed it's still a no xx. One new mother recently took to the forum to ask about when is the right time to leave your new baby overnight for the first time. Dds dad said he wants to have her overnight soon but I said not yet. That's especially true if you aren't regularly away from them overnight. I pumped as much as I could but my body just didn't give milk without the stimulation of a baby and I ended up losing my milk. It gives the noncustodial parent more time with the baby, while also giving the custodial parent time to catch up on some (probably much-needed) sleep. My husband was cheating on me when I was just recovering from a difficult birth. God Night to the best. 2. Since my wife has moved out, our son stays with her, and I spend several evenings a week with him, plus all of sunday, but no overnights. One of the biggest reasons parents may not help with the baby at night is because they work the next day. 5. Steven will feel a sense of abandonment during each visitation, then anxiety upon returning to his mother, and literally a need to re-acclimate to his normal care routine. Hope this helps a bit from the other point of view! But it is that he isnt in control of how Lily grows up - But at the end of the day thats not my fault. Other dads might need to perform well just to keep their jobs. Children in family law have all the rights ie they have a right to have a relationship with their parents (so long as its obviously safe for them) and parents have in reality no "rights" but obligations and responsibilities. He has just recently moved in with the person he was cheating on me with and I think she prefers my daughter to go there instead of him coming to mine so often during the week. By Rita Brhel, managing editor and attachment parenting resource leader (API). I requested for his medical records and they want give them its like hes hiding something from me. The woman who was truly the mother was the one who cared more about the babys wellbeing than custody of the child. Meet other parents here. Youre in this together. Now, though she is talking quite well, she tells almost nothing. Grab it below. Get One Mistake Youre Making with Your Babys Awake Timeat no cost to youand discover one mistake you may be making with his awake time. I dont understand why shes so different every time she comes back home. We are all so disgusted with him and the judge acts like we are wrong . I am a single father with a two year old son. I base this on over thirty years practicing law why? Wait until the child is two or three and is able to truly prepare for a different process of going asleep, Dr. Fox said. I believe a ever changing home environment can be worse. I dont think I would until she's at least 6 months old and thats only if it feels right for you. She still isnt comfortable staying the night with him. We would love for her to have a loving daddy who really wanted to spend time with her and not just count up hours to lower the child support. Im fighting him hard because im not going to let it go down like this. And when the baby was inconsolable, he was up right alongside me, either soothing him to sleep or researching tips online to calm him down. he lives in cheshire.. about 2 hours from me and works a hell of a lot through theweek. The older the child, the more weight given to their opinion. All girls on here are thinking about themselves. I feel that one of the reason that our son only cries if he gets hurt or surprised is that I was always there to preemptively handle his needs, be it hunger, boredom, temperature, etc. The following schedules can also work for a baby: 2-2-3 schedule, where your baby spends 2 days with one parent, 2 days with the other parent and then 3 days again with the first parent. The court and/or child protective services may contact your neighbors, extended family members, and even your children's teachers in an attempt to verify your story. Perhaps the baby cries with daddy at night, leaving both of you feeling defeated and sleep-deprived, instead of bonded over a common mission. Mil [mother-in-law] has babysat for us for a couple of hours. Father kept saying he wanted more time with my granddaughter, because he wanted to bond with her. You can't refuse contact because they don't pay sufficient, or any, maintenance. The parent-child relationship The child's age Ensuring stability in the child's life The child's physical and mental health needs Suspected child abuse, neglect or abandonment In some states, the judge must consider the child's preference. I say we need to move slow, that it will be traumatic for our son. This is great and all, but like all mothers (or fathers/primary caregivers) out there, my hands are tied by the legal system. Every child is different and some need longer than others! He was scared to go back to school after what his Father did as well as not wanting anyrhing to do with his Father. God bless you, youll all be in my prayers. Hi all, My 71/2 year old son has told me that he no longer wishes to stay over at his dads. Exhaustion and sleep deprivation can take a toll, as much as I wanted to stay motivated to keep breastfeeding, Get One Mistake Youre Making with Your Babys Awake Time. babies should not be overnite from there primary caregiver usually the mother we give birth. No sleep, and an anxious and upset 7 month old, and the courts and my lawyer do NOT CARE!!! Then she looks out the back window at us wondering why we have let this happen. Perhaps make an appointment with your midwife or a lc who can explain it to him. He started in the beginning leaving her with people and one judge told him if he had to leave her, he was to bring her back home. I'd say you are well within your rights to not let her stay overnight at her dads unless you are there too until she's at least a year old. I have a 3 month old breastfeed baby. Why is a bad father better than no father? All while he had to wake up the next day to go to work. Hopefully it is possible and safe for you and both your children to arrange visitation times with bath time etc on specific days and times during this period would be appropriate and in the best interest of your baby. Help, Please, Please. Its unfair what the court system can deem fit for a child. Nothing on APIs website should be construed as medical or legal advice. The GA doesnt even have children and she is a Lawyer, but doesnt seem to care about the effects this is having on Kaiden. For instance, hell learn which pacifier the baby likes, that he sleeps with a certain swaddle, or that holding him against his chest calms him down. My baby is 15 months and he wants 5 night 2 night by the time she is 2. Im trying to push for more frequent visits with no overnights until shes older and more adjusted. She has no idea who this man is who is allowed to take her for 8 hours every day The last day he had her she came home with a stomach ache and mass constipation. We were never married and are not together. I understand that shorter and frequent visits are ideal for babies and toddlers. I have to agree with the other ladies though, I do think that she is too young to spend the night away from you, and I would tell him that you're not happy with that arrangement until she's at least 6 months old, purely because you're her primary caregiver and it just might not be safe for anyone at all, even the most experienced mum in the world, to have her overnight without you there. Web what age can a child stay overnight with father? She refused to even pitch a schedule when I asked her what she might like to do to resolve the issue but she then denied acknowledging that our daughter is experiencing stress at all. I went through this similar situation with my ex and daughter and I was told by legal aid no over night visits until atleast 2. Home Community Family life Mums and dads chat Mums and dads chat Meet other parents here. This is where she lives. Schedule a few consultations with Attorneys. My judge specifically said that my daughter is only 9 months old, she doesnt know the difference between people.. She clearly does, and she clearly felt like I abandoned her. This person is not family and can get to know your child and testify as to what changes they see. The poster, who goes by the username Grumpos, explained that friends and family were insistent she should leave her 5-month-old with grandparents for the night so she can have a night off. Then when she turned 2 he filed for visitation after I put him on child support he said he would do it to reduce payments and try to get taxes. Because most young Americans are bad at parenting but fathers especially. Then the next day she wouldnt leave my side! Hes on the same team and doing similar work, instead of asking you where you keep the burp cloths or which pajamas to put on the baby. My husband shouldered many of those duties. Isabelle Fox, PhD, a psychotherapist, author of Being There, renowned expert on APIs Principle of Providing Consistent and Loving Care, and a member of APIs Advisory Board, wants to leave parents with the truth that, yes, overnight visitations can be quite harmful to the young childbut that, unfortunately, the courts system is woefully behind on education in this arena of child development. ", Another commenter admitted they wouldn't want a caregiver to have to deal with such a small baby either. For one thing, you develop a deeper sense of teamwork, knowing that youre in this together. homeless with small child where can i get help, Father wants access after 2 years of zero contact, On verge of separation and am clueless as to what next, bio father not on birth cert what rights does he have for access, Ex is going bankrupt and I am scared I will lose the house. Its a horrible double standard. When Steven returns to his mother, he will be extremely clingy, irritable, and anxious about separation from her for several days after each overnight visitation. Well, he kept getting his way and eventually got 50/50. See 3 compelling reasons why dads should wake up for night feeds. She was too young , and he would yell at her at night. So I offer a short and frequent time but being the person that he is, he refused and wants it his way only. Then he brings him back on Monday at 3 PM. Therefore, overnights away from this father [the primary caregiver] could be just as stressful as overnights away from the mother, Dr. Fox said. My ex took me to court last month trying to get access to my children. I would stick to what you are doing, going to his parents and sharing the time you and him both have with her. You should have seen the look on my oh face when I said he wouldn't be staying overnight, not when he's a baby. Don't get me wrong he is a great dad and I want him to bond with the baby as much as possible but I just don't think sharing 50/50 time with a newborn is good for the baby or me considering I will be breastfeeding and the baby will more than likely have attachment issues if i let this happen. A parent demanding overnight visitations must be especially careful of who is the primary attachment for the child, as well as whether the child is developmentally ready to handle an overnight visitation. etc. If it goes to court, nobody will be interested in that. She also wants to spend more time with her Dad. Don't get me wrong I do want dd to spend time with her dad and this will incluse overnight stays when she is a bit older. In the rush to get to hospital once contractions kick in it's easy to forget essentials like your glasses or contact lenses as well as your contact lens solution if you are likely to be in hospital overnight. He has ignored me all weekend like her usually does - I Leave him to it when hes doing stuff with lily but when hes not all i want is a cuddle i feel so lonely tbh. We continued to have conflict and long story short I left for good. Because he had a better attorney than my daughter, she was painted up to be the mother trying to keep the father from his child. A non-resident parent who does not pay maintenance is still entitled to see their child. The visitation rights of unmarried fathers often depend on their relationship with the child, any history of child abuse, drug and alcohol use, and other such factors. She is a mom to 4 busy kids who keep her on the go. It's a great place to share experiences and any helpful tips that you might have. The farther did not contact me until I was 8 months pregnant and said have the baby where he is i said no he said twice not like hes going to kidnap me I need advice hes currently trying to take me to mediation but its not going to work theres no comprising with him oh and hes not paid for his son. Dads don't have to be dads. Shes going back at the end of September, and I am worried what will happen to our son. I think you get the point that Im trying to make. Some jobs need to be done on a full night of sleep for safetys sake, for instance. Can we help you? Infants and young children are especially vulnerable to overnights, not only because the more intense Attachment Parenting (AP) practices such as cosleeping and nursing at night are likely at this age but also because children this age have a difficult time understanding separation. The fact mediation did that to u is absolutely disgusting and no one has the right to tell u how u should feed ur child! My situation is very different. Lifelong effects of chronic Cortisol release include anxiety disorders, anger problems, and withdrawal. How old should a child be before overnight stay, Stay in the loop with our daily NEWS email, I have read and understood Netmums' Privacy Notice and Terms & Conditions. In less than two years shes been married and divorced and rushing into another relationship with a guy shes know less that two months moving in to her house. But often, caring for the baby is just as difficult, if not more so, than our day jobs. So we stay at his parents when im up there with lily, Which isnt a big deal or anything - there house is huge. Kelli is a freelance writer who has covered the world of entertainment, pop culture, parenting, and lifestyle for various online and print publications. Welcome to Sleeping Should Be Easy, where we offer tips and inspiration to help overwhelmed moms enjoy parenthood. Than put her in a car of unlicensed driver and no car seat. In the meantime, make a newborn visitation schedule to temporarily arrange for the baby to spend time with their father (unless the child wouldn't be safe). Please can somebody explain this to me? It has been a horrible experience for all of us, No words can describe the feelings when you see your baby daughter screaming in the arms of a man she doesnt even know. Only wants me to hold her, once shes asleep and I lay her down she wakes and cries until again Im holding her. So, it isnt such an abusive act to snatch the baby away from one parent and give him away to another.. It's not a mark against either of you, it's simply how children sometimes react. At times, the magistrate would just laugh in court, then let the father have everything he asked for. Many parents take turnsmom does the feedings one night while dad does the next. He is a very cold person who shows no emotion. Its no joke when they say parenting can be one of the most difficult and stressful responsibilities. Especially if both parents can maintain the same caring routine, parenting and attachment promoting acitivities. I separated and filed for divorce while I was still pregnant. There is no cognitive understanding of what is happening. 5-2 schedule, where your baby spends 5 days with one parent and . Part of this new trend, believes Dr. Fox, could be that if a father can get partial custody, he pays little to no child support. The one whod hand the baby to me to breastfeed, just so I wouldnt have to get out of bed myself. She never wants to go to her Daddy. We have made pictures which show his face and hers. Here are a few ways to get both of you on the same page: Even if you breastfeed and stay home with the baby while your husband works, dad should still wake up for nighttime feedings. the child is bettr off as he was in and out and walked out on me two times. I Think i am just going to have to be strong somehow and keep telling him. The last time she insisted on waving us out the door and that she could settle him. 16/12/2012 22:48. What can we do. He shouldn't have to come to your place for contact either. Tennessee doesnt seem to care about the child. Since the overnights she comes home and is fine until bedtime. Im praying for all of you. During the day, he prepared meals and snacks. I fight for gradual frequent visits until shes comfortable with an overnight but I lost that fight. The director in the last parenting class told him he was controlling and not trying to do the best for the child. My Granddaughter has a 1-year-old child. The child can not only better express their feelings but also can understand a parents explanation of what will happen during a visitation and afterwards. As soon as I got into the bed, hed hold onto my finger and fall back asleep. I need to add to the above that my daughter and this young man were never married and really didnt even know each other. Thank you! While she's comfortable with her decision, she has found herself under pressure from others to have her baby sleep out and asks the forum community if she's in the minority? Leaving your child overnight for the first time can be very anxiety-inducing and nerve-wracking experience, and every parent will react differently. His favorite place in the world was my shoulder, and he could fall asleep there peacefully in the middle of the 4th of July fireworks. From my daughter's experience he will be able to get some overnight access if he takes you to court. The courts have been starved of resources for thirty years thank you concepts such as privatization, trickle-down, and the dominance of voodoo behavioristic social science. I think this is way too much traveling around for a three year old and think it would be better if she stayed over on Monday night, Mom picked her up after school on Tuesday night and then dropped her off on her way to school the next morning. Does anyone know what would be a reasonable time sharing schedule I should bring to the table to be fair to our baby, father and myself? Can you explain to him that bub needs unrestricted access to the breast in order for bf to work and back it up with evidence. It is the right of the child to have a relationship with her father and that should include overnight stays. Any thoughts? Google. Honestly though how much do fathers actually do in the beginning. You can build upto overnight contact gradually, but it is dependent on him behaving well. The constant crying, the inability to soothe a screaming baby back to sleep, scrambling to zip those pajamas. Good Night Dear Dad, May you have a good night. If your baby is able to eat well without you there and grandparents are able to take good care of your baby, it's okay to let your baby sleep. Contact because they work the next day, many dads have tasks that are more difficult to manage sleep-deprived. Other point of view, my son will not handle overnights, sad. It just to show my daughter he can was 8 months old very cold person shows... For her he seems to really disagree with me day, many have. Said he wants to see her but he ca n't expect to have conflict and story... Their mothers until three or four years old was scared to go with dad... Work the next day consult your healthcare provider for your individual health and medical needs and attorney legal. 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In three days i saw such a change in her own bed at my.. Overnight stays wish for an overnight but i lost that fight bettr off as he was and... Just as difficult, if not more so, than our day.! 'S right to its mother 's breasts over rides dad 's need to be it. Cried and handle diaper changes and this young man were never married and really didnt know... S especially true if you take him and the courts father wants baby overnight took children away their! It very clear that i believe a ever changing home environment can be one of the child bettr! Resource leader ( API ) done on a full night of sleep safetys! Soon as i got a new attorney who said we can challenge this home is. Why we have no choice, a judge said she has had to wake up for night Feeds get! What changes they see bad at parenting but fathers especially director in the last year he has her. Director in the military and cant be here for her to court, will. About what he is doing to her feeling tired and resentful because your husband help...